Friday, March 28, 2014
Aha! Moments and continuing with 20 time.
Coming to realizations is very difficult. And while reading the other day, I came across a comment on a random article that basically said "I've always been the kind of person that stood on the outside of conversations and never said anything because of a fear of being awkward and uninteresting, which inherently came off as awkward and uninteresting." I was a little disturbed with how much I related to this. I've always been a shy person who was too afraid to jump in and share ideas from an irrational fear of embarrassing myself. This is definitely not something I'm proud of, as it holds me back in ways that make me incredibly unhappy. My aha! moment came along with the realization that this is precisely the approach I have taken to 20 time. When we were assigned 20 time, I sat in my desk with an unreal excitement and an overambitious drive and the idea that I was going to create something really, really wonderful. However when 20 time really got rolling, I found myself sitting on the outside watching people create and accomplish really wonderful and ambitious things. I had so many ideas and ways I knew I could succeed. But I was too afraid of failing and embarrassing myself to jump into the circle and join these wonderful ambitions. EVEN THOUGH FAILURE HAS BEEN A LEGITIMATE OPTION IN THIS PROJECT FROM DAY 1. Looking back, I have no idea why I always do this. Here I sit, the end of 20 time in sight, with absolutely nothing besides one skirt and a blog to show for it. I had this amazing opportunity to create and explore and I didn't take full advantage because of an irrational fear of failure and embarrassment. I like to think of myself as a go-getter. And I think I am, within the comfortable and safe confinement of my own head. I have so many ideas and things that I want to do and let them fall before my feet for probably the single most pathetic and sad reason ever to exist. Looking forward, I want to take the final stages of 20 time and reach my full potential. I want to be able to go out for my presentation and say that I conquered this irrational fear, and created something without a worry that someone wouldn't like it as much as I do. 20 time is changing for me and I am ready and excited to take this as far as I can.